Callie Briggs' Farting Problem
by Yoshizilla-Fan
Summary: Being Deputy Mayor of Megakat City is not easy. Sure the Mayor does nothing but play mini golf most of the time, but things get even harder for Callie when she comes down with bad gas. What's a gassy calico kat to do now?
1. Chapter 1

**Callie Briggs' Farting Problem**

By Yoshizilla-Fan

Yoshizilla-Fan: I suddenly had this craving for SWAT Kats. Probably because I felt that Callie Briggs could use this treatment after I saw her while browsing, and then by watching SWAT Kats on Boomerang from Cartoon Network, or as I like to call it, the now only good part of Cartoon Network.

* * *

Chance and Jake were hanging out in their secret lair, talking with each other.

"Boy, we really showed Dr. Viper a thing or nine, didn't we?" Chance stated.

Jake nodded. "Yeah. One thing for every one of my nine lives!"

Chance nodded, chuckling a bit. "Yeah. We showed him nine things!"

Jake laughed in response to Chance's witty comment. "So now he can slither back to the swampy litter box that he came from!"

Chance chuckled. "Yeah. Megakat City is safe once again. It's not like there's anything we need to worry about right now."

* * *

Meanwhile at Megakat City Hall, Mayor Manx was busy playing mini golf as Callie Briggs watched, feeling a bit of pity for him.

"All that man ever seems to do on his own time is play mini golf, and I end up doing all the paperwork." Callie sighed, her arms crossed. "He's a lot like that other mayor who loves pickles too much."

Suddenly, Callie's stomach growled at her, then before she could say anything, Callie farted loudly, her tail being lifted by her accidental back blast.

"And now I'm gassy? Well that's just peachy." she remarked in a sarcastic tone, a louder, more deep pitched poot coming out.

"Gosh, I need to get all this gas out before the mayor notices..." Callie thought, making a run for the ladies room as Mayor Manx turned around, then shrugging as he resumed his mini golf session.

Meanwhile, Callie quickly walked into the ladies room, going into one of the stalls as she continued letting loose, her loud, obnoxious gas echoing through the bathroom.

Back with Mayor Manx, he had successfully shot a golf ball into the hole. "Yes! Hole in one! Finally! Did you see that Miss Briggs?" Manx looked around, seeing that Callie was gone. "Miss Briggs?"

But Miss Briggs was still inside the ladies room, groaning in pain as she grabbed her stomach, her loud, brassy farts coming out like an all-out orchestra. "I don't know what stinks more, this or the fact that Megakat City could once again be in trouble at any time." Callie thought, her next deep pitched poot moistening the back of her pink suit. "At least the SWAT Kats will be there to save the day. I just wish they could save me from this gassy predicament..."

Callie groaned once more as she kept ripping out more loud, raunchy farts, much to her displeasure as she felt her butt getting more moist with each blast of gas that came from her beautiful rear, burying her face in her hands in dismay.


	2. Chapter 2

While Mayor Manx continued his mini gold game, Dark Kat suddenly crashed through the glass pane, causing Mayor Manx to gasp in shock.

"I'm back! And this time no one will stop me from taking over Megakat City! Especially the SWAT Kats! Because if I lose, everyone loses!" Dark Kat claimed.

Mayor Manx backed away in fear, when Callie ran in, overhearing the loud noises.

"Is there a problem, Mayor?" she asked, before Mayor pointed at Darl Kat, shaking in fear as he did.

Meanwhile, Chance and Jake, wearing their SWAT Kat uniforms as T-Bone and Razor (respectively) were chilling inside their secret lair, when the emergency alarm went off.

"Geez, already the city's in trouble? I barely even had time to clean the litterbox!" T-Bone stated.

"We don't have a litterbox, T-Bone!" Razor pointed out.

"And ironically my SWAT Kat name is more fitting to a dog, but that doesn't matter either! Lets go!" T-Bone responded.

Razor simply shook his head as he and T-Bone hopped into the Turbokat jet, flying it towards Megakat City Hall, seeing Dark Kat, who was about to so bad things to the Mayor and Deputy Mayor Callie Briggs.

"Geez, not this freaking feline again!" T-Bone exclaimed.

Dark Kat turned around. "Forget it, SWAT Kats! You will never be able to stop me this time, because-"

Callie farted loudly again, interrupting Dark Kat's sentence as she gasped, placing her hand over her butt, another loud, deep pitched poot coming out.

"On second thought, I'll let you SWAT Kats have this one, because it looks like you have another problem on your filthy feline paws that I don't want to be a part of." Dark Kat stated, somehow disappearing without a trace.

"He's gone. I wonder why he left..." Callie pointed out, before another loud, raunchy fart pooted its way out of her big butt within her pink suit.

"Hey Razor, there's something different about Callie, although I can't put my paw on it..." T-Bone assumed, rubbing his chin as Callie let out four loud farts in a row, each one louder and longer than the last.

Razor nodded. "I agree. She seems even more attractive that usual."

T-Bone looked oddly at Razor. "Attractive? That better not be your boner talking! Because that would be ironic since we're kats."

"Just what is going on here?" Mayor Manx asked, seeing Callie blush in embarassment as she kept releasing more loud, smelly farts, her tail being constantly blown and lifted by her gassy outbursts.

"Mayor, I can explain!" Callie claimed. "It must of been something that I ate."

Razor watched as Callie's farting continued stinking up the room, even though the gas was able to escape through the shattered glass pane. "I'd sure like to get in on this."

"Don't be such a dog, Razor." T-Bone told him.

Razor growled in annoyance. "Hey! I resent that!"

Callie simply sighed, not being able to do much as her farts kept belting out of her like an underground gas leak, with Mayor Manx confused as hell as the SWAT Kats started arguing with each other.


	3. Chapter 3

"She likes me more than she likes you anyway!" Razor stated, still arguing with T-Bone over Callie, who was trying to hold in her farts as they kept slipping out of her, sounding either raunchy or brassy.

"Don't you go pulling my tail with that one!" T-Bone growled. "Besides, clearly she seems even hotter now that she's like this."

Razor nodded. "That makes sense since she's literally blowing off steam."

Suddenly, a helicopter appeared right above Megakat City Hall, dropping a rope down as Commander Ulysses Feral came down this rope along with several Enforcers. "All right, no one move. Dark Kat has clearly been through here. And wherever he is now, the Enforcers will handle it."

"Well look who's one thread of yarn short of a kitty sweater." T-Bone joked.

"Yeah. Dark Kat is gone. You missed him." Razor added.

Ulysses growled in annoyance. "So you two are just going to spend each of your nine lives making fun of me when you should be going after him!?"

T-Bone shook his head. "No need. He left because he thinks that Callie's gassy predicament over there is more trouble that he is."

Ulysses turned to Callie, who continued ripping loud farts in embarrassment while Mayor Manx left the room, not wanting to be a part of this anymore.

"Either the Dark Kat himself or the author would have to be idiotic to believe this! Either way, the Enforcers will go after him, as will I!" Ulysses claimed as he grabbed the rope and wound up back on his chopper, which flew away from Megakat City Hall as the SWAT Kats landed their Turbokat jet in the building.

"Ok, since that guy is apparently the one looking after Megakat City, that means you and I and T-Bone are alone." Razor pointed out.

T-Bone nodded. "Yeah, and I should tell you how loud and proud your butt is."

Razor also nodded in response. "Yeah. Loud like any mechanism, yet beautiful like a shiny new wrench. And that makes us proud too."

Callie blushed, putting her hands over her butt cheeks as several high pitched poots came out, followed by some raunchy toots that lifted her furry yellow tail. "My gosh, it's amazing how my sudden bursts of flatulence impress you."

"Yes, well don't you worry, if Dark Kat, Dr. Viper or any other villain kidnaps you, you can always count on us!" T-Bone stated.

"Yeah, now that you can use that gassy backside of yours to give them some sort of curiosity, which of course could kill them!" Razor added, making a joke from a certain reference.

T-Bone chuckled in response to Razor's words as Callie tried to join in as well, as much as it seemed unreasonable to her as she farted again.


	4. Chapter 4

Callie continued letting out rotten farts as T-Bone and Razor watched, both of them trying to avoid smelling them.

"Hey Callie, I don't mean to pull your tail, but would it cost you one of your nine lives to hold in that flatulence of yours?" Razor suggested, wafting his hand.

Callie grabbed her hips in frustration while still farting. "I'm trying! But they just keep slipping out, much to my dismay."

Suddenly, a portal opened up in front of the flatulent Callie and the SWAT Cats, with the Pastmaster coming out of it.

"It is I! The Pastmaster! Back from the Dark Ages!" the Pastmaster announced. "I am here to take what's mine!"

"Well just look what the cat dragged in all the way from the past." T-Bone stated.

The Pastmaster pointed at at Callie. "Calico Briggs! Or should I call you the present version of Queen Callista! This time you will be mine!"

Callie clenched her fists, making a stance at the Pastmaster with a serious facial expression. "Not this time, Pastmaster! Infact, not ever! Go back to the hellhole of a time period you came from!" Another deep pitched poot erupted from Callie's butt, puffing up her suit and causing her to gasp and to put her hands behind her butt. "Dear Kat god, can't I ever finish a sentence without letting one out?" she thought, her cheeks turning slightly red with embarassment.

The Pastmaster laughed evilly. "What you are currently going through makes it all the more fitting for you to join me, for it seems more fitting to the Dark Ages! Not to mention that Queen Callista also had this problem!"

T-Bone tilted his head. "Wow. That sure explains a lot, huh Razor?"

Razor nodded. "Yeah. Talk about a long lost heritage."

Callie continued ripping more loud poots that got louder, raunchier and more deep pitched over time as she spoke. "I wouldn't be your wife even if you liked me for my bad gas, Pastmaster!"

"Then I shall take you and your gas emitting butt by force!" Pastmaster growled.

Callie turned around. "If you want me so bad, then have at this!" Callie pointed her butt at the Pastmaster before farting loudly, her gas lifting the bottom half of her suit, revealing her white panties which had a wet stain on them, and also blasting the Pastmaster back, causing him to crash into the wall.

"You know what they say, curiosity killed the Kat!" T-Bone pointed out.

The Pastmaster got up, coughing as a result of Callie's powerful gas. "Gah! The stench is worse than that of old Dark Aged tuna fish!" he murmured.

"I can get down and dirty if you want me to, Pastmaster!" Callie exclaimed, farting again, this time her bad gas being worse as it hit the Pastmaster in his face.

"This isn't over, Calico Briggs! I'll be back! I'll be back from the past, for I am the Pastmaster!" the Pastmaster summoned a new portal, jumping into it and disappearing with it.

"Wow Callie. That was impressive! You didn't even need our help!" T-Bone told her. "You know, with a butt like that, you could fight your own battles!"

Callie looked down at her gassy butt, pooting loudly again. "I could, but if some evil doer like Dark Kat or Dr. Viper captures me, then it won't work that way."

Razor nodded his head. "You got a point. At least it's good for something."

Callie suddenly felt her stomach growling as it forced more farts out, placing her hands on it. "Oh gosh, I'll be right back!" Callie ran out the door, her hands on her butt as she ripped loud toots with every step."

"Boy, if I had a litterbox, I sure would hate to share it with Callie." Razor thought.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey T-Bone, I just realized something!" Razor stated.

"What, Razor? What is so important that we waited part of each of our nine lives for you to say?" T-Bone asked, having overcomplicated his sentence with a cat reference.

"It's officially been 20 years since we've started being the SWAT Kats and saving Megakat City!"

T-Bone put his hands on his hips. "Wow. Time goes by fast when you're busy trying to save the nine million lives of the one million citizens of Megakat City!"

Razor sighed. "I don't mean to pull your tail T-Bone, but don't tell me that you made a farfetched estimate as to the population of Megakat City just so you could make another cat reference."

T-Bone shook his head. "Fine. But you don't ever spell cat with a C in Megakat City or any part of out world for that matter."

Razor looked around for a bit. "By the way, when's Callie coming back?"

T-Bone shrugged. "I don't know. But given the state of things in this fanfic, her litter box is going to need cleaning when she's done. That is, if she was using one."

* * *

With this chapter done, Happy 20th Anniversary to SWAT Kats, on _Boomerang from Cartoon Network. It's all coming back to you._ Speaking of which, I wish old Cartoon Network would come back.


	6. Chapter 6

Chance and Jake were both watching Space Ghost: Coast to Coast on their television that they fixed up, both of them wearing their mechanic outfits.

"Man, that stupid show that has Brak in it as the main star has got nothing over this show." Chance commented.

Jake nodded. "No kidding! I'd rather go from coast to cast than spend any time in the dirty litterbox that is Cartoon Planet.

* * *

_"Watch as I bring forth an ancient being that once existed in the past of another dimension!" Mortar claimed, pushing a button on his remote. Suddenly, his remote shorted out and exploded, much to his dismay. "Damn it! This was supposed to bring forth Queen Callista from the Dark Ages as I programmed it!"_

_"You tried to invent a transporter just for that?" Space Ghost asked. "You're more pathetic that a guy who works at Pizza Hut for a living."_

_"It will work! I'll be right back!" Moltar claimed as he ran off._

* * *

"Hey Chance, any chance that this episode was made up by the author?" Jake asked.

Chance just shook his head. "I'll bet my nine lives that it is."

Meanwhile at Megakat City Hall, Callie was filing some paperwork, being the only one who does any work in City Hall, when suddenly she felt the urge to let loose.

"Not again..." she thought, getting up and heading for the ladies room and entered one of the stalls, her hands on her stomach as she cut loose, releasing several loud farts that lifted her tail and echoed through the bathroom, feeling like she would need to sit down for more at any moment.

Suddenly, Moltar crashed through the roof, his shaky entrance causing the stalls to fall over as Callie screamed in shock, feeling violated as she let out another raunchy poot.

"Miss Calico Briggs, how would you like to be a guest on Space Ghost: Coast to Coast?" Moltar asked.

Callie fumed, letting out more deep pitched poot as she spoke. "Why would I want to be on a show that's not even on the air anymore? And why the hell would you violate my privacy!?"

"Because I asked for Queen Callista, and you're the next best thing. Also, I said so!" Moltar pulled out a camera, turned it on and pointed it at Callie, who stared awkwardly at the camera, her hands on her butt as deeper pitched tuba toots came out of it, lifted her tail and stunk up the restroom further.

* * *

_Space Ghost watched as Callie Briggs popped up on the screen, shocked to see that it was not Queen Callista, taking out his Destructo Ray._

_"You're not Queen Callista!" Space Ghost blasted the screen to bits with his Destructo Ray. "That sucked."_

_"Oh yeah. It's no surprise that you took a sudden interest in Queen Callista." Zorak stated, being sarcastic._

_Space Ghost sighed. "Bring back pong."_


	7. Chapter 7

"Well that was stupid." Chance commented.

Razor nodded in concurrence. "No kidding. That episode stunk worse than used kitty litter."

"Hey, you wanna go fix something?" Chance asked.

Razor shrugged. "Aside from being the SWAT Kats, we are mechanics, and we go nothing else to do at the moment, so sure why not."

* * *

Callie looked around, seeing the damage that was done as a result of Moltar crashing in, letting out deep pitched poots, much to her embarassment.

"I don't know what that was about...but boy am I still gassy." Callie sighed, looking at her butt, which let out another loud, brassy toot that lifted her blonde tail and echoed through the bathroom.

"And now my butt is sounding like a tuba, making it into an orchestra?" Callie pooted loudly again, her awful smell hitting her nose as she wafted the air frantically. "Goodness! That smells horrible!" she exclaimed, her next big fart causing one of the toilets to burst, causing Callie to get wet as a result, her poots smelling worse. "If I don't stop, I'm gonna poop myself!"

Mayor Manx barged in, a shocked look on his face. "Holy Katfish! What happened here?" Suddenly he was hit with the stink that came from Callie's butt, passing out on the spot.

"Sorry about that, mayor!" Callie blushed. "Oh wait, I don't think he can hear me." Callie sighed as she dragged Manx away to try to wake him up, letting out several small poots from her butt cheeks every few moments.


	8. Chapter 8

Callie Briggs was busy with paperwork, being the one who does all the work as Deputy Mayor of Megakat City, when the evil Dr. Viper crashed through the building.

"I'm back!" he claimed. "And this time, no one will stand in my way! Not even those wretched SWAT Kats!"

Callie stood up in shock. "Good grief! I better call the SWAT Kats before-"

Callie farted loudly before she could finish her sentence, her gas being powerful enough to knock Dr. Viper back, causing him to fall off the building as he screamed, being abruptly defeated.

"My goodness! That was rather odd." she thought as another huge fart burst from her foxy feline ass, her pink suit being puffed up at the back as a result. "I sure hope I don't make more of a mess in my underwear than any villain who's ever attacked Megakat City does!"

With that said, the nefarious Dark Kat swooped in, coming in through the same hole that Dr. Viper created with his entrance. "I have returned for vengenace!" he claimed. "And this time, if I lose, everyone-"

Before he could finish, Callie unleashed another loud, deadly stink bomb that not only blasted her tail up, but blasted Dark Kat off the building.

"Looks like I don't need to call the SWAT Kats if my butt is going to keep being the hero..." Callie thought. "But such a thing should be irrelevant! As I can always count on them to save the day."

Then, a portal opened up behind Callie, with the Pastmaster stepping through. "I have returned once more! And this time, Calico Briggs, you will be-"

Callie purposely farted loudly at the Pastmaster, with him being unaffected by her gas as he somehow used magic to withstand the smelly blast.

"Fine! Be that way! But I've learned to deal with types like you ever since Queen Callista started doing that to me as well!" the Pastmaster reopened his portal, stepping through it."

"Maybe I can call the SWAT Kats to come repair the hole in this building..." Callie thought, another blast of gas from her big, beautiful and foxy rear erupting. "Before my bad gas does any more damage..."


End file.
